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The Happiness Dilemma

Tuesday, 18 March, 2008 - 9:29 pm

Posted by Rabbi Mendy Herson

Don’t worry. Be happy.

A beautiful philosophy in charmingly simple words.

But is it realistic? What if I have stresses that I can’t ignore? Should I stick my head in the sand and just smile?

Happiness isn’t that simple. Happiness is a frame of mind, and it’s deceptively difficult to achieve - and maintain - that mindset.

Happiness doesn’t mean buoyant frivolity. That’s temporary and it isn’t deep. To me, happiness means a genuine inner peace and balance; it means that my world makes sense.

So I’m not talking about artificially-inspired joy (alcohol etc.), nor externally-stimulated joy i.e. a great party. Those might make me feel good, but I’m not experiencing a genuine, internal happiness; I may simply be numbing my unhappy self with external forces. 

So how do I achieve a happy frame of mind?

 When I feel that my life has purpose, and that the things I do are GENUINELY in the service of that purpose, I’m on the road to happiness.

 I may still be working hard, and dealing with difficult situations. But if I’m living for a worthy goal, I feel internally balanced and happy.

 But this purpose needs to be:

  1. Something I truly value.
  2. Something which is genuinely a deep-seated purpose of mine (not just a side-beneficiary of my life-efforts).
  3. Something substantive and enduring.

 For all the above reasons, I don’t believe I can be happy building ‘sand castles’. I need a more genuine anchor.

 Raising a psychologically and spiritually healthy family is one good example. If I set my family as my goal, and build my world around their healthy growth, that can bring me inner peace.

 If I go to work to provide for them, and they’re not just the beneficiaries of my career, I can maintain inner peace in the face of challenge. I can endure significant stress because I’m doing it for a higher purpose. For them.

In Judaism, Holiness is the purpose which can bring balance to all of life. So if I believe that I and my actions truly matter to G-d; if I believe that my every action can change me or my world for good; that every action is cosmic and enduring in a true sense, then I can have a genuine inner peace.

 The stresses are there. But I believe that embracing these stresses and accepting them wholeheartedly is itself a part of my soul’s growth and maturation. Each moment can become an eternally shining nugget of meaning.

 

How can we not be happy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments on: The Happiness Dilemma
3/18/2008

Mendy wrote...

Some context for this week's thought:

This Thursday evening we’ll begin celebrating Purim (check the website for times). Purim is the happiest day on the Jewish calendar.
The Holiday’s rejoicing includes a festive meal, and saying l’chaim. But that’s only as a gastronomic accessory to our inner joy.
The true joy of Purim is reflected in the Purim story itself. In the narrative, a wicked man (named Haman) tried to destroy ancient Persia’s Jews. Through a series of events, Queen Esther and her uncle Mordechai were able to secure salvation for the Jewish people.
But there’s no blockbuster miracle in the Megillah (the Scroll of Esther). No splitting of the sea. No raining manna. It just looks like a series of lucky breaks, in addition to having friends in high places.
Yet the Jews at the time instituted a Holiday. We celebrate and read the story; we thank G-d for His miracles “in those days and in this time”. But where’s the miracle?
The answer is that we see G-d’s Hand in nature. No matter what we’re doing, in business or at home, we always have G-d’s presence; we’re regularly experiencing miracles, like the miracle of sight you’re exercising right now.
We just need to recognize them.
So the sun rising tomorrow morning can be described as nature following its course. Business as usual. Or we can marvel at the miracle of G-d’s creation.
If you go through life recognizing that Hand of the Inifinite, Divine care and guidance, is wherever you turn, there’s TRULY a reason to celebrate.
Happy Purim!
3/18/2008

Mendy wrote...

And some more.....



The first section of Jewish Law (called Shulchan Aruch) begins with a verse “I set the Divine before me at all times” (Psalms 16:8). With that introduction, the author begins the voluminous work of setting out a Torah code, a program which helps imbue meaning in many areas of the human experience - from the time we rise to the time we go to bed.
At the very end of the section, the author addresses Purim; then he completes the entire work with another verse: “One with a good heart is constantly rejoicing” (Proverbs 15:15). Two verses. Two bookends of Jewish Law. What's the connection between the verses and the written material?
The Rebbe once explained that the first verse sets a backdrop to the entire work. The Torah wants us to be CONSISTENTLY conscious of the need for meaning. Meaning is not just for a synagogue or a quiet moment. It's a lens through which we see the day.
So, from that point of departure, the author lays out various aspects of finding a meaningful life from rising until bedtime.
But with all that in mind, at the book’s completion, the author wants us to understand an important consequence: Through consciousness of our destiny, through a life of meaning at every turn, through a conscious heart, we'll necessarily find that happiness is our frame of mind - “One with a good heart is constantly rejoicin
3/19/2008

Todd wrote...

Inspiring as always. Thank you.
3/20/2008

Karen Malkin wrote...

Thank you for being a shining light. Always meaningful.