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Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Thoughts from, and conversations with, Rabbi Herson

What Does G-d Do All Day?

The Talmud asks a seemingly unanswerable question:

What does G-d do all day?

Generally speaking, Jewish tradition tells that G-d is consistently – longingly - waiting for our attention. Yes, G-d is hoping for us to see beyond the haze of stress and the gleam of desire, to recognize that we’re created to live a life of meaning. A life connected to G-dliness and Holiness. And when we do, G-d is thrilled.

Like when we start the day with prayer, with introspective thoughts of how we need to align our day with a meaning-centered life. Or at night, when we revisit the day’s choices and how/whether they reflect a purpose-driven life.

But morning, before the day begins and nighttime, as the day winds down, are relatively easier times to focus on life’s purpose.

How about in middle of the day? Can you imagine making time for quiet reflection between meetings, as your mind is racing to “keep all the balls in the air”? Is that even realistic?

Jewish tradition says it is. And the effect is cosmic.

It’s what gives G-d His greatest “thrill”.

That’s why, although we pray three times a day - morning, afternoon and evening - the Talmud finds special value in the afternoon service. It takes more proactive effort to focus on G-d in middle of a busy day. And that makes it all the more beautiful.

So what does G-d do all day?

Let’s focus on one part of the Talmud’s answer: “in the last three hours of the afternoon, G-d frolics with the Leviathan”.

Huh?

Chassidic thought points out that the Hebrew word for Leviathan means ‘connectedness;’ “Leviathan” thus represents the awesome beauty that human beings create when they rise above their egos to find connectedness with something Higher, the Divine. 

So every afternoon, as millions of people choose to put their respective days on pause, to contemplate their priorities and behaviors and connect with the Divine, G-d “frolics”.

Think about the metaphoric word that the Talmud chooses.

Not just a smile.

Not just happy.

Frolicking.

Joyful exuberance.

And it’s up to us.

Resist

Do you resist?

I'm speaking about life here, not politics.

The question is: Do you rebel against your own norms? We all have temptations, habits, and norms we should discipline, if we only have the strength. So the question is: do we have the guts to resist our instincts?

Sometimes we need healthy rebellion in society at large, pushing back against an unhealthy status quo. We need a stirring of the collective spirit to bring consciousness and moral direction to our communities.

But I’m speaking about something more personal. I’m speaking about the person we each see in the mirror. If we consciously want to live a meaningful life, we can push past our norms and so many of our 'limits,' and evolve into more actualized people. But do we want to? Is that fire of rebellion burning inside?

Let’s face it: Even when we’re in a proper functional rhythm, our souls can be asleep. You can go through the motions of being a loyal spouse or parent, while your brain is still in the office – or at the stadium. We can perform good deeds without any excitement or enthusiasm, on auto-pilot. It’s being alive, without really living.

Doesn’t that call for resistance? If we’re living a life of complacency and self-satisfaction, a life without the passion to rise up against ourselves, have we not become ‘spiritual bourgeoisie’?

Time for revolution.

And we want a Divine uprising too.

G-d’s [meta]physical system has been our established order since time began. But it’s time for a radical change. It’s time for G-d to buck His own system, and bring out the meaning and beauty - the Harmonious Oneness - that’s inherent in our world.

We call that a world of Moshiach – a Messianic era. A world actualized.

And it’s G-d’s promise to humanity: When we rise up against our limitations, G-d will rise up against His.

So look at your life and rise above your limitations.

And let the revolution spread.

Ready for Inspiration

Have you ever experienced sudden inspiration? A 'Holy moment'? A sense of clarity about the world, your life and who you can be?

We, the Jewish people had such an experience, infinitely magnified, when we stood at Mount Sinai to receive the Torah.

Those standing at the base of that mountain felt their world change: Life made sense, the purpose of existence was clear.

No more nagging questions.

No more internal confusion.

The Torah isn't only about what was, it's very much about what is. The Torah is the story of our lives, in the present day and moments. The Sinai experience, with its clarity and connection, is a personal goal for each of us.

But how do we get there? How do we bring ourselves to an enlightened experience?

Inspiration usually seeks fertile ground, and comes to those who are genuinely receptive to an inner glow. So we need to position ourselves for inspiration, and then pray that the experience sets in.

It's very much about preparation; we need to be primed for the experience.

Look at the Torah's description of the Sinai experience. The Torah doesn't go straight to this pivotal event. The Torah first spends a lot of ink on the trials, tribulations and triumphs of our pre-Sinai ancestors. The Torah’s entire first Book (out of the Five Books), is devoted to the lives of Abraham, Sarah and their descendants.

The pre-Sinai generations grappled with their egos, working to steer their lives toward a meaningful purpose beyond self-gratification. They guided their lives by vision, not impulse. They identified their natural challenges and transcended them, transforming themselves into selfless, principled people. They didn’t postpone their self-refinement efforts because they were waiting for a gift from above.

At the same time, they searched for connectedness with the Divine, and they didn’t take no for an answer.

Abraham and Sara, and their subsequent generations, went through a spiritual evolution which brought their family to a Sinai-ready state. Those who would later receive the Torah at Sinai were standing on their shoulders. That’s why they were ready for Sinai.

Back then, Sinai happened because we were ready.

Today, inspiration happens when we're ready.

Ready?

Hit the Road

Does it feel like Rosh Hashana was ages ago?

Think again.

In a sense, Rosh Hashana is only just ending. You see, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur aren’t just independent holidays; they are part of a spiritual continuum.

During the High Holidays, we reach deeply into our psyches to explore our principles and values. What do I stand for? Am I mindful of my responsibilities to the world around me? Do I properly appreciate my relationship with G-d, my loving Creator?

At the close of Yom Kippur, we lock in (Neilah, the name of the closing prayer, actually means “to lock”) a deeper, more profound sense of connectedness with G-d and with life itself.

So we spend much of the High Holidays in a spiritual cocoon – in our minds and in the synagogue – focused on contemplation and internal growth.

But the High Holidays’ internal dynamics must then find their way into our “external” behavior. We need to express our internal commitment in 'real life' lived meaningfully.

So, after Yom Kippur, we venture back into the outside world of eating, drinking, socializing, etc. But, because we’ve had our High Holiday experience, things are a bit different. Our lives are now in the context of the  Sukkah (the temporary hut in which we celebrate over the Sukkot Holiday), which Chassidism describes as “G-d’s hug.”

Think of it this way: Life in the Sukkah is an external expression of the Divine intimacy we felt during Neilah. We’re able to live “normal life” – eating, drinking, etc.  – within “G-d’s embrace”.  

So Rosh Hashana’s peak is on Yom Kippur, and they’re both manifested in the Sukkot experience.

Sukkot’s zenith is its last day, which is a holiday unto itself, called “Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah.” Shemini Atzeret is an opportunity to retain the season’s energy (Azteret means “retention”). Simchat Torah is a day to recognize that our commitment to a life lived meaningfully “brings joy to the Torah.” So it’s a day when we rejoice with the Torah. And vice versa.

Simchat Torah ended Tuesday evening. We’ve had a month of preparation for a meaningful journey through the year.

Now let’s hit the road.

A Time to Celebrate

This is a wonderful time of year.

While many tend to think of ‘the Holidays” as referring to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, those Holidays are just the beginning. The Jewish calendar actually has a continuum of Jewish celebrations that begin on Rosh Hashana and continue on for twenty-four days! 

Let’s start at the beginning: Rosh Hashana is the launch of a ten day exercise - culminating with Yom Kippur - when we reconnect with our best selves and with the Divine. These ten days are filled with the serious and introspective happiness that comes with self-awareness and self-improvement. They’re happy, even as they’re focused and introspective.

We then progress to Sukkos, when the High Holidays’ quiet satisfaction morphs into full-blown joy. The High Holidays’ holy moments can be elusive and difficult to concretize. The Sukkah brings our High Holiday inspiration into real life.

For seven days, we eat, drink, study and hang out in a hut (a Sukkah) with an imperfect (temporary) roof. That ‘roof’ represents the Miraculous Clouds which protected the Jews as they travelled in the desert after leaving Egypt. That ‘roof’ symbolizes G-d’s loving protection, then and now.

So the Sukkah is a tangible manifestation of the spiritual intimacy – the connectedness – we felt on the High Holidays.  When we sit in the Sukkah, we’re sitting in G-d’s embrace, because the Sukkah makes G-d’s love tangible in our daily lives.

We then reach the Holiday season’s peak when we celebrate the Torah on Simchas Torah (this coming Sunday evening through Tuesday evening). Simchas Torah drives home the message that we can always embrace, and be embraced by, G-d through studying Torah.

The Torah is your portable Sukkah, one you can access even after the Holiday wraps up.

In the Scripture, G-d tells us: “I have put My words (the Torah) into your mouth and I have covered you with the shadow of My hand." The “shadow of My hand” refers to the Sukkah’s interior shadow, its embrace. G-d is telling us that we can experience spiritual intimacy when we immerse ourselves in the Torah’s words and ideas, when we have the “words of Torah in our mouths.”

And that’s a real - lasting - reason to celebrate. We’re never alone. We can always re-discover the Holidays’ spiritual connectedness, through the study of Torah.

So come and celebrate!

Hug A Tree

Mobility can be a double-edged sword.

‘Growth’ sounds great.

‘Unsettled’ not so much.

As human beings, we find basic peace when we’re at rest. That’s how we fall asleep and that’s how you catch your breath. But inertia and paralysis are unhealthy. Where do we find the balance?

When it comes to material objectives, we can never ‘spike the ball,’ because physical fulfilment is a moving target. When we’re bombarded by a hodgepodge of desires and fears, we end up chasing illusions from one end of life’s field to the other.

The pursuit of spiritual fulfilment is different. Our souls have a core desire to touch the Divine, always yearning for something higher, pushing to rise above life’s mundanity. We’re figuratively standing on our spiritual tiptoes, trying to touch something meaningful, which often feels just beyond our reach.

But it’s not.

Scripture quotes G-d as saying (Hosea 14:9): “I am like a supple Cedar…” The Cedar is a tall tree; the ‘supple Cedar’ imagery is that of a tree we can bend all the way down to our level, so that we can hang on, and be catapulted aloft, as it returns to its natural position.

G-d is that Cedar. G-d ‘bends down,’ making Divine meaning accessible to us at our human level, by giving us tangible, physical Mitzvos. Once we grab on, we are propelled to a higher state, coming closer to the Divine, closer to ourselves.

G-d being described as the 'supple Cedar' tells us that meaningful human life is within our grasp. Hang on to the Cedar, and the soul flies higher, the bond grows deeper, the embrace intensifies. 

This Yom Kippur, disengage –at least for a day - from the material-focused frenzy. Commit yourself to a deep relationship with G-d.

Hug the supple Cedar.

The King and I

It’s that time of year again.

It’s time for me to engage the ‘King.’

You see, Rosh Hashana is coming, and we’ll have an overflow crowd at services.

For me, that’s a precious opportunity to unveil and articulate the Judaic tradition which I hold so dear.

I can express our belief in G-d as a Parent, Who devotedly cares for each of us. This helps us envision how we each matter to G-d.

I can depict our embrace of G-d as a spouse, with whom we share a loving – if sometimes challenging –relationship. That opens a vital window into our deep bond with the Divine.

Loyal and Loving. That’s my G-d.

But here’s the problem. This fundamentally-Judaic image of G-d doesn’t easily dovetail with the Rosh Hashana liturgy. When we open the prayer book, we find a consistent theme of G-d - not as Parent or Spouse but - as ‘King.’

Our Rosh Hashana services are one big Coronation.

That metaphor isn’t a natural for Americans. We’re very happy to have ejected King George III from our lives, and we’re generally not big on respect for the monarchy.

In my experience, Parent and Spouse imagery work. King? That’s a tough one for many people.

So, let us – you and I - [re]frame and [re]define the King concept.

Building on the image of G-d as wholly committed to our welfare (like a parent) and deeply loving (like a spouse), we also see G-d as our [devoted and loving] King.

Why? Because it introduces a wonderful new element: Surrender.

No human – even family - can say to me: “I know you, because I created and designed you. Relax and stop clinging to your self-image and shallow perceptions. I will guide you toward becoming the person I created you to be.”

Only G-d can say that. And I can handle it when it’s coming from G-d. Because G-d DID create me; G-d knows my strengths and genuinely perceives my weaknesses. So I’m comfortable surrendering to my loving and devoted King. Because I’m actually surrendering to my own destiny, my best self.

Yes. ‘G-d as King’ works for my prayer imagery.

How about you?

Now is the Time

Once I’ve made a mistake, can it ever be retroactively un-done?

Of course, we can make amends and learn for the future, But can we ever un-speak hurtful words?

In the concrete sense, that’s not possible. But there’s more to life than the concrete.

So let’s look at regret through a spiritual lens.

Sometimes, we rue an action because it created unpleasant consequences. When you’ve hurt someone important, and the relationship has become uncomfortable, and you apologize: Is it ever because you simply want the pain to go away?

If yes, that's regret of a sort; but it's not transformative remorse. It's more like ‘relationship management.’

In this scenario, you haven’t experienced any real character modification.

You’re uncomfortable with the REACTION to your behavior, not your action itself. Maybe you’re modifying your behavior from now on, but it’s because of someone else's response, not your own principles.

Real behavior modification doesn't usually happen that way. And you never end up ‘un-speaking’ those hurtful words.

But there’s a deeper way.

We can use our mistakes as profound teachable moments. As powerful springboards for positive change. And when you do that, you’ve reached into the past and transformed past mistakes into shining opportunities for present growth and self-improvement.

You’ve done the impossible, by restructuring and upgrading ‘spilled milk.’

Of course, what’s done is done, and you can’t control people’s memories. But you can control your own NOW, and grow from your own past. And, when real change happens, the rest of the world will eventually catch on.

We’re fast approaching the High Holidays, a time for introspection and re-alignment. A time to fine-tune our behavior for the New Year. And G-d is the wind at our backs.

The High Holidays ‘behavioral transformation project’ comes from a deeply empowered place. We believe that G-d created each of us with the capacity to be a true mentsch, living with character and integrity. Our innate potential, which no one external can control, is our gold standard. Every day, we should envision that potential as our gold standard, and measure our behaviors against that potential.

Because we want to do better. And we really can.

What better time to start, than now?

Hear the Knock?

What if today was your wedding anniversary, and you had plans for a romantic dinner? Would you be able to disengage from your work stresses, frustrations over our crazy politics and your ordinary distractedness?

I hope so. Because it's more than worth the effort. Every relationship needs its pause button, a sacred time when the partners put aside their busy pursuits and focus on each other, re-committing for an even stronger future together.

It works the same way in our relationship with our Creator. The High Holidays, which are 30 days away, aren't just a time to show up in synagogue. They are special days, set aside for spiritual intimacy; days when we focus on the purpose of our lives, our personal relationships with G-d and with life itself.  

Ideally, one doesn’t just walk out of a business meeting and sit down to an intimate dinner. One first takes the effort to mentally disengage from one's distractive world, shut one's smartphone, and mentally zero in on the importance of the relationship.

Similarly, Jewish life gives us the month of Elul, a preliminary month leading us up to Rosh Hashana. During Elul, G-d helps us edge out of our own self-absorption, so that we’re in psycho-spiritual shape for our ‘anniversary get-together' on the High Holidays. 

In Jewish tradition, Elul is known as the 'Month of Mercy,' a time when we each go out of our way to empathize with others’ needs, give more charity etc.

But Mercy means more than empathy, it means genuinely feeling the needs of someone who doesn't have any real claim on your time and resources. You have no concrete responsibility to this inidvidual, just a genuine sense that he/she is in need. And that sense creates enough connection to prompt you into action.

Elul is the Month of Mercy, a time when G-d gives us extra capacity to reach beyond our personal sensitivities and needs, and truly open our hearts to another. This makes Elul a great warm-up for the High Holidays: Rising above our self-absorption allows our internal G-dliness to shine, which  in turn primes us for intimate time with G-d on the High Holidays.

The month of Elul begins tomorrow, on Shabbos.  G-d will be knocking on our door, trying to draw us out of our self-directed perspectives in advance of Rosh Hashana.

 Open the door.

Finding Comfort

'Comfort.' 

Think of a comfortable scenario in your life. Is it a state of ease and quiet enjoyment? A time when you have no worries, just relaxation? A great escape?

Sounds wonderful. Enjoy.

But then engage real life.

Finding authentic comfort isn’t about escape. It’s about finding inner peace and equilibrium. True comfort sets in when we satisfy our existential emptiness and find a balm for the psyche.

Not a job for a Pina Colada.

Genuine comfort comes from meaningful living.

A lot of our internal unease – the “quiet desperation” that is the stuff of poetic angst - comes from living in a world which doesn’t seem to make sense; it looks shallow, random and meaningless.

And, deep inside, we know we can do better. We can find symmetry, integrity and meaning. Watching the world's madness violates our sensibilities, because we know something’s not right.

It bothers us, as it should. And our – yours mine - responses should be to act, working within our own spheres of influence to make this a brighter world.

Do a Mitzvah. Touch someone’s life. Upgrade your own. Just do something positive.

Our soul-irritations are G-d’s way of prodding us to jettison inertia and status quo. The internal disquiet is designed to provoke pro-active responses, propelling us to act and bring sanity to the chaos.

This goes to the very core of our existence, life’s purpose:

To elevate the world.

And elevate ourselves.

And, in that process, to find genuine peace and comfort.

Because, perhaps counter-intuitively, real soul comfort doesn’t come lounging around. It comes from meaningful struggle and productivity.

Finding meaning is what brings us comfort. genuine comfort.

In the Torah, G-d says that He will yet ‘comfort us’ in future days. G-d’s not promising Pina Coladas, nor am I awaiting them.

I’m looking for an embrace. I want to experience the true beauty and meaning in what I do. I want to see the richness of the human journey and its accomplishments.

I can handle the work. But I could use the comfort.

It’s G-d’s promise. And the future starts now.

The Heart of Sadness

I don't like feeling sad. 
Melancholy has a sneaky way of draining energy and paralyzing life. 

But here's the problem: Life isn't a string of happy occasions.  I make mistakes, causing discomfort to myself and others. Others make mistakes, causing discomfort to themselves and to me.
We all have problems. To ignore them is naïve. To face them is depressing.
So what can we do? 
First, let’s keep our expectations reasonable, since frustrations are a function of expectations. Everybody on the planet has stress, so we can't honestly be surprised by our own. Expect it.
Second, I need to carve out time to face my personal weaknesses and warts. That's the 
only way to an honest life. 
While I don't want to harp on my failings, I need to face them. And deep inside, as disquieting as this introspection may be, I'm glad that I'm going through the exercise. I'm happy that I have the maturity to face myself, and glad that I'm self-aware enough to be somber about my mistakes. a
Then there's a third element: 
I recognize that my full plate of relationships and responsibilities come with a price tag: Some stress is inevitably attached. I pray to G-d for more manageable stress. At the same time, if that's the price of my life and its blessings, I'll deal with it. 
Watching the Rebbe as I was growing up, I was always awed by the genuine pain he expressed when speaking of humanity's misery. I was watching a Rabbi crying real tears about people across the world whom he'd never met. 
As a teen, it was striking. I didn't have that genuine empathy for a stranger's problems, but I envied the depth of the Rebbe's.  I would've taken the pain of sadness for the power of real connectedness. 
A day like Tisha B'av (a fast day, when we commemorate the destruction of the Holy Temples) is set aside for this type of painful introspection. Aside from mourning our painful history, we take an honest look at our own self-destructive behaviors. 
It isn't pretty, but it's necessary. 
And, deep inside the sadness, there's gladness to be found.

And that’s key to the exercise.

When Tisha B’av falls on Shabbos, the fasting is pushed off until Sunday. This gives us an opportunity for the gladness, the sense of deep connection with our loved ones and the world, but without the attendant sadness.

It's a special Shabbos of joyous introspection. Let's make it productive.

Today's Potential

Ten brilliant scholars stood outside the Rebbe’s study. They were waiting for Rabbi Schneur Zalman, Chabad’s first Rebbe (1745-1813), to share a mystical discourse. When the door opened, they all entered the room. Except for Rabbi Isaac. He was much younger than the others and held back.

The Rebbe asked, “Who remains outside?” Someone responded, “A young man.”

“A young man can become an older man,” the Rebbe replied, and Rabbi Isaac rejoined the group.

Later on, Rabbi Isaac related that the Rebbe’s comment energized him with a profound psycho-spiritual boost. In the Rebbe’s words, he had heard "Don’t be limited by your present capacity. You have an older, wiser man inside of you. Unlock him. Live the future now."

From that day, Rabbi Isaac’s deeper potential began to unfold. His firm self-awareness, and his profound confidence in the Rebbe’s guidance, triggered an internal transformation. He walked away from the Rebbe’s room able to see past today’s limitations and live tomorrow’s potential.

Half a century ago, my father (Rabbi Moshe Herson, the Rebbe’s chief representative in the State of NJ, and Dean of the Rabbinical College of America in Morristown) stood in a private audience with the Rebbe (the 7th Rebbe in the Chabad dynasty). Still in his thirties, my father was Dean of a fledgling College in Newark, and tasked with growing both the College and the [then virtually non-existent] presence of Chabad throughout the State.

The Rebbe blessed him and said, “G-d will grant you the ability to evolve today into the person others will become tomorrow.”  

Perhaps the Rebbe was giving my father a similar jolt of confidence as Rabbi Isaac received. Perhaps the Rebbe was gifting my father with an awareness of his own potential by giving him a frame of reference as to who he could be. The Rebbe may have been saying: “Identify someone who you feel is successful, experienced, accomplished. And remember, that is who YOU could be. Today. You don’t need to postpone maximizing your potential until you’re older. Be that person now.”

Look around. See what’s possible. Visualize a greater tomorrow. 

Live it today.

Summer of the Soul

Are you getting away this summer?
Taking some weekends off? Maybe a week or two abroad?
These months are commonly a time to slow things down a bit, or at least carve out more time for 'self' and family.
After all it's summer, and summer has a special rhythm.
Every season has its unique beat; so it's good to pause and identify each season's tempo, embrace its particular character and grow with it.
So, what's particularly striking about this season?
Especially this week, we can see that summer is a time of increased light and warmth. We have longer daylight hours, and higher temperatures. In other words, summer is a time when the sun is in fuller glory and effect.
That’s summer in ‘macro’; but this also applies to each of us in ‘micro.’
In a way, we each have our own internal seasons. We each also have our own internal ‘sun’: The soul.
There are times when we go through an internal winter, when our moral vision and priorities don’t express their full light into our daily lives. There are times when conscience and values are in relative hibernation, when the spirit is cold, and moral growth seems a part of the distant past.
Then there’s summer. Summer is about letting my internal sun shine. Summer is about feeling my own internal capacity for spirituality and warmth, a capacity that might recede in the face of a hectic schedule. 
So if I’m able to relax a bit from the everyday stresses and ‘get away,’ then I need to use that to synchronize myself with nature; I need to create my own internal summer by increasing the light and warmth in my life.
Your internal sun - your summer of the soul - doesn't let off oppressive heat; it brings fuller brilliance into your life. 
We each have valuable relationships - with loved ones, with our community and with our G-d – and relationships need nurturing. So if you’re running on fewer cylinders this summer, and have some extra space in your brain and heart, those relationships could probably use some extra warmth.

You have a sun inside of you. Let it shine.

Self Image

How do others perceive you? How much do you care?
Do you spend as much time thinking about ‘how you are’ [as a person], as you do about how you seem [to others]?
Sure, we should be sensitive to public perceptions; others' feedback can be helpful (even when it’s a bit painful).
But others’ impressions shouldn’t be a prime mover of our life-decisions.
The Talmud teaches us that “one who pursues honor will have honor flee from him.” This can be understood very simply: Let’s say you and I are friends, and I act in a specific way because I want you to perceive me in a certain light i.e. I ‘pursue honor’ in your eyes. It's very likely that you'll sense how much I care about your opinion of me, and recognize that I have put you on a pedestal as the judge of my worth. 
Is it any wonder, then, that ‘honor flees’ from a person in such a case? Once one knows that another is vying for his approval, is there any chance for real respect?
Another point:
We find in this week’s Torah portion that, as the Jews travelled in the desert, they sent spies to reconnoiter the Land of Israel. When they came back, they told of the huge, fearsome people they had encountered there. But their language was a bit strange: "We were like [tiny] grasshoppers in our eyes, and so we were like in their eyes!" (Numbers 13:33).
We can understand the spies saying that the natives were so large that they (the spies) were like grasshoppers in their (the natives) eyes.
But what about the first part of the sentence – "we were like grasshoppers in OUR eyes”? What does that mean?
The Torah is teaching a basic lesson of human interactivity. We project our own self-image. The Jews felt like grasshoppers, so others perceived them that way. Their own self-perception influenced and created others’ perception.
Notwithstanding the value of feedback, we should never give them the keys to our self-esteem.

Get comfortable with who you are. It will help others get comfortable with you too. 

Set Yourself Free

Do you want to meet your personal potential?

Psychologists have long recognized self-actualization - or self- fulfillment - as a deeply rooted human drive. We want to be all we can be, to spread our wings and soar.

At one level, the path to this goal takes a lot of introspection and mental/emotional toil. I need to know myself –my own weaknesses and habits - if I want to grow into who I can be. I need to be pro-actively self-aware, consistently observing how I react to various stimuli in my day, and watching my sub-consciously ingrained patterns.

At the same time, hyper-focus on self can actually get in the way of personal growth. When you can’t sleep, and focus on falling asleep, the self-focus obstructs your goal of relaxation. Paradoxically, trying to sleep itself prevents your sleep.

Psychologists have identified something called ‘hyper-reflection,' or ‘thinking too hard.’ When we focus excessively on our potential pitfalls they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, true self-actualization needs more than self-awareness; it needs self-transcendence, or self-negation. G-d created me for a purpose, something larger than myself. So leading a meaningful life isn't achieved solely by focusing on who we want to be. We also need focus on who we’re needed to be.

It’s not a mindset “what do I want out of life?”, but rather “what does life wants out of me?”

When we adopt an other-centered attitude, we free ourselves of the limitations that come with self-focus. We're swept up in our responsibility to life, to the world around us, to our Creator.

This freedom is part of the Passover mindset. The enslaved Jews weren’t a self-aware, spiritually-evolved group. But they did believe in a Creator and a destiny. They were focused on who they needed to be. So they were open to redemption.

So Passover is about humility. About faith in something Higher. About rebirth.

Please join us at our Community Seder (guess who will be wearing a Moses costume!:)) on March 30th, as we taste the freedom experienced by our ancestors.

Let's make this Passover count.

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