Mistake. Failure. The words make me shudder. Or at least they used to.
Why? Because I strive for success and achievement.
Failure is not an option.
Except when it happens.
And what then? How do I deal with my mistakes and failures? I’d like to divert my attention, because they’re painful to think about. On the other hand, I shouldn’t live in denial. Should I just bite my lip and move on, hoping that tomorrow will bring back-to-back successes?
In Torah thought, mistakes and failures are an important part of life. We don’t look for them, but they have a way of finding us. They also, paradoxically, have a dividend for us; it’s called the gift of growth.
When I err - in a relationship, in comprehension, in my finances, etc. – and I face my blunder, it hurts. I’m hit squarely between the eyes, and the pain can easily become an energy-sapping, paralyzing force.
But that would be a shame, and it would miss the whole point of missteps and mistakes. It’s not about wallowing in self-pity. It’s about growth. I need to embrace my internal angst and disappointment, and convert that energy into a catalyst for positive action. With my mistake, I’ve learned a lesson for the future.
Facing my blunder, and analyzing it without fear also bring me new insights about myself and my attitudes. It helps me break new ground in self-awareness. How did I get here, and how could this happen?
My slip-up gives me a better connection with the concept at hand. Until I’ve made a mistake in my handling/understanding of a given concept, the concept and I are ‘mere acquaintances’. When I goof, and consequently take a more mature and committed attitude to the subject matter, we’ve just become more intimate. When a rope is torn it takes a double knot to repair; now, my renewed relationship has a psychological ‘double-knot’.
So there are three levels to my 'mistake-growth':
- I learn a lesson for my future conduct, when I recognize HOW I went wrong..
- I learn more about myself, when I analyze WHY I went wrong.
- I become closer to the subject matter, since I’ve revisited and renewed my commitment.
So (as long as I’m consciously guiding my life), my mistakes are just a different way of growing. Nothing to shudder about. That would be a mistake.
Anne wrote...
Can I guess that your [inspiring!] focus on mistakes has some relationship to the weekly Torah portion? I see that it depicts the Jews' tragic misdeed (mistake sounds too benign for this) in creating an idolatrous Golden Calf shortly after Moses ascended Mount Sinai? Are there lessons to be learned from that too????
Mendy wrote...
You're right on target!
Just to frame this correctly:
A. The Jews gather at Mt. Sinai for their birth as a nation, and G-d speaks the Ten Commandments and tells Moses to come up on the mountain for forty days.
B. As the forty days end, the Jews mistakenly believe that Moses has died on the mountain, and they build a golden calf.
C. Moses comes down the mountain and is hurt by their infidelity. He breaks the tablets.
D. The Jews regret their actions and ask G-d for another chance. So Moses goes back up and comes down with a second set of tablets.
In Chassidic thought, we see this as one holisitic rhythm which was necessary for our birth as a people.
Just receiving a sublime code for life wasn't enough. We needed to experience failure, and taste the possiblity of rebound, in order for this to be an effective launch of our history.
It's a beautiful lesson.
No one looks to make mistakes, but life can't be meaningful without them.
Bob Dorsky wrote...
Mendy wrote...
'Near' or 'distant' (presumably to G-d) is certainly a healthy frame of reference to use for every moment of our day, as in "does this act bring me closer to G-d and to my own destiny as a human being or push me father away?".
But I don't think that this idea precludes the possibility of a mistake, which certainly exists within Jewish civil law (e.g. manslaugter is accidental homicide) and ritual law (e.g. the 'shogeg' offerings brought in the Temple to atone for 'mistakes'/accidental violations).
The concept of 'bashert', pre-ordination of life from Above, would seem to make mis-takes theologically implausible, though. No?
Bob Dorsky wrote...