The discussion group this Sunday was interesting and lively.
A few general points were batted around:
1. We should all have principles which we REALLY hold dear.
2. We should be able to maintain friendly feelings for those who don't share those principles.
3. The kicker is how we reconcile 1 and 2.
As an example, let's think about how someone who really is anti-smoking, believing that a smoker is killing himself and those around him.
When he sees a person smoking, it should bother him. The very sight should strike a negative chord inside. Then, he should be able to focus on the humanity within that smoker and feel the sense of communal connectedness that's healthiest for us all.
If the non-smoker is so accepting and tolerant that he doesn't even feel a pang of negativity (hopefully a feeling of sadness for the smoker's self-destructive path and eventual suffering), then he doesn't really have a deeply held 'anti-smoking' principle. He doesn't really stand for that idea.
The same applies to Jewish principles. I'm very friendly with people who don't live (yet?) by Jewish principles. I'm also an accepting guy. But if I don't even feel the negative pang when I see someone violating Torah (before I rise above it to connect with - and care for - the person inside), then I've got a problem of principles.
And I admit that after years of living here, I do have that problem. It doesn't even strike a chord sometimes. And I need to deal with that.
[I didn't mention this yesterday, but I just remembered a quote from Shlomo Carlebach which I saw when I was a kid. It went something like this:
Today we have Jews for Moonies, Jews for Jesus, Jews for everything. But that doesn't bother me as much as the many sweet yiddelach who are 'Jews for Nothing'].
We also discussed the idea of calling someone's attention to their own counter-productive behavior. We got into a conversation about whether a golfer would call attention to a friend's deficiancy in grip or swing. They apparently wouldn't.
I've got a problem with that.
We shouldn't walk around criticizing people. But if I'm really friendly with someone, and believe they feel safe enough with me to hear my constructive criticism, then the Torah considers me selfish for not sharing my persepctive. Why shouldn't I help them see what they apparently can't on their own?
My example is if someone has food hanging from their lip. Do you gently tell the guy? Won't it be a help to him?
If we don't say something, it's because we don't care enough about the person's dignity. And that's selfish, not 'sensitive to embarassing someone'.
Comments?