Cultural appropriation.
The hurt feelings that can arise from blurring boundaries.
Not too long ago, we were focused on dismantling boundaries, and now it’s a pain point.
And the so the pendulum swings…. But where is the healthy median?
In Torah wisdom, Sodom and Gomorrah are the epitome of selfishness and cruelty. Selfish societies that didn’t have healthy, protective boundaries. In a functional society, people recognize that “what’s mine is and what’s yours is yours”.
One would think.
Interestingly, the Talmud – when analyzing variant approaches to boundaries - considers the attitude of “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours,” and says it belies a ‘Sodomite’ attitude. Don’t good fences make good neighbors? What can be wrong with a solid demarcation line between mine and yours?
The Torah teaches that Sodom and Gomorroh were an evil distortion of a good thing. Despite its Biblically-excoriated manifestation, ‘Sodom,’ at its core, is a positive force. Sodom symbolizes a strong sense of self. Healthy Sodom means having self-sustaining confidence. It means feeling that my life is between me and G-d, period. It means that I’m not intimidated by others’ opinions.
My life. My struggle, My mistakes, My growth.
That’s holy Sodom. But then there’s unholy Sodom.
There’s a healthy sense of self, and an unhealthy brand. When independence means one is no longer dependent, that is a good thing. On the other hand, when independence is synonymous with self-centeredness, an attitude of “I’m looking out only for myself,” it’s not. Healthy independence is one that grows into inter-dependence. Once I'm secure in my own identity, I need to take go the next step: I need to consider my responsibility to others. "What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours" is only a negative attitude if there's a period at the end of that sentence. If we see each other as mutually exclusive – non interdependent - islands.
The Torah wants us to have a comma after that phrase: "What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours, AND, since we share a responsibility to each other let’s healthily share our world.”
As Hillel taught "If I am not for my myself who will be for me (independent sense of self)?
But if I am only for myself what am I (interdependent sense of responsibility to others)?"
Independence then interdependence.
That’s a healthy society.
Sodom redeemed.