How objective are you? Do hard facts always lead you to an objective rational conclusion? Or does your deeper emotional posture bring its own flavor to your ultimate approach?
An example: This morning, your spouse did it again. You witnessed that same irritating habit which you’ve been watching – noticing, criticizing and sometimes [barely] tolerating – since the beginning of your marriage. You've called it out innumerable times. And it just doesn’t help. Some people just won’t change!
Now what? How do you respond? How do you feel?
You can blow your top in frustration at this supposedly-mature adult's inability to get a grip on bad habits. Or you might say to yourself: "I know it’s really difficult to break deeply ingrained habits. If nobody's actually being harmed by this, I'm just going to cut him/her some slack and focus on his/her strengths.”
Down which path do the facts lead you? Whichever path you – deep inside - really want to follow.
If you – at this moment - are inclined toward judgmental harshness, you’ve got your ammo. If you’re inclined toward loving tolerance, you’ve got the intellectual framing you need.
This past week’s Torah reading (the beginning of Genesis) ended with G-d’s disappointment in humanity’s slide toward decadence. G-d is described as saddened that “the tendencies of the human heart were wicked.” So G-d decided to wipe the slate clean and start over with humankind, which brings us to Noah’s Flood, this week’s reading.
We’ll read about the Great Deluge. Then about Noah’s family’s exit from the Ark and their eventual embrace of a new world. We’ll read that G-d swore to never again destroy humanity. Why? Because “the tendencies of the human heart are evil from their youth”. While people are responsible for their actions, G-d recognizes our difficulties in overcoming the human condition’s innate selfishness.
One week’s Torah portion presented a fact - people are born with selfish tendencies - as the rationale for destroying the world. The next week that very same calculus becomes the rationale for patience and understanding.
What’s the difference?
G-d’s ‘attitude’ is often a reflection of our own. Post-flood, Noah showed gratitude and humility, triggering an expression of Divine love. G-d showed us that this love can change His approach to facts on the ground.
It works with G-d.
It also works with us. The facts are what they are; choose the response.