Do You Fear G_d?

I've met many people who are spiritually turned off by the idea of 'fearing G-d'.

This High Holiday period is a time when I have a heightened sensitivity to this syndrome. Who knows? People may be sitting at our services and think we're praying to a G-d we 'fear'.

So, for the record: I’m not afraid of G-d.

I’m not afraid of my parents either.

To me, being ‘afraid’ means that I am significantly concerned about danger heading my way. It means that I think specific individuals may actually inflict harm on me, and I don’t feel safe with the object(s) of my fear. That doesn’t apply to G-d or my parents.

It’s not like I don’t understand what it means to fear authority figures. My home and school sometimes used the carrot and stick approach, so as a kid I had reason to fear consequences.

However:

A. That was a childish part of my youth. I stayed away from misbehavior to avoid discomfort, not because of any high-minded moral vision. It was a simple cost/benefit analysis. I hope to have outgrown that.

B. I never doubted my authority figures’ genuine concern for my welfare. I wasn’t afraid of THEM per se. I feared the painful fallout.

So, even in my childhood fears, I was never afraid of my G-d or my parents.

I’m still not, if we define fear as dread of impending personal harm.

I feel secure in G-d’s love for me as His child. At the same time, I experience many emotions which can be seen as part of the ‘fear’ spectrum.

I fear the possibility of my behavior damaging my relationship with G-d and with a meaningful life.

When I observe bad behavior’s ugly side-effects, I’m frightened by the damage that human beings are able to wreak upon each other.

When I consider the majesty of G-d’s creation, and the immensity of G-d’s blessings to me, I stand back in awe and reverence of our Creator.

When I consider life’s enormous responsibilities, how much G-d and my world expect from me, I’m overtaken by feelings of gravitas and solemnity.

When I consider the world’s array of misfortunes, I recognize that G-d protects me from so much. My blessings outstrip what I objectively deserve. So I feel serious consternation as to whether G-d will continue His flow of unearned, bountiful kindness.

So, while I have feelings on the fear spectrum, I don’t fear a G-d Who wants revenge, a G-d with Whom I can’t feel totally safe. That’s not my G-d.

So when you see the word ‘fear’ in your prayers this Rosh Hashana, don’t run.

There’s no reason to hide.

It’s Rosh Hashana. Come closer.

In grateful humility.