The Soul of Satisfaction

It’s been almost twenty years.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I presented medical symptoms which baffled my doctors. They  hospitalized me at Cornell Medical Center for a full week; poking, prodding and analyzing what was going on inside my body.

Thank G-d, I’ve made it to the other side with excellent health. I’m medically fine and barely see a doctor unless I’m bringing one of my children for a checkup.

It was a difficult experience; yet it has actually helped me in my life’s work.

As a Rabbi, I visit people in hospitals to offer them support and comfort. What do I do as I stand near that bed? How can I relate to his/her confusion and fear?

When I approach a patient, I flash back to my Cornell experience. I relive the uncertainty, the fear, and the defenselessness. Using my own trauma as a springboard, I begin to imagine the person’s inner turmoil; my own life becomes a portal through which I can relate to another’s.

It’s called empathy, and it’s an important bridge we each have with the world. So how do we build it?

An important foundation is finding a personal ‘pain point’, something in your life which helps you relate to the other’s struggle.

Then comes self-reflection, introspection as to whether our own comfort isn’t obstructing our ‘empathy pores’.  

For example: When I’m hungry, I’m better able to relate to a poor person’s hunger. After a large meal, that becomes a more difficult exercise. When I’m personally satisfied, a pauper’s hunger is more likely to stay a detached concept, as distinct from a personally touching reality.

This is part of the reasoning behind a beautiful Jewish practice, known as ‘Mayim Acharonim’ – the post-meal washing of our fingertips.

Scripture tells us that “when you eat and are satisfied, you should bless G-d”; we thank the Divine for our comfort and satiety. But as we prepare to praise the Divine for our contentment, we need to consider a second element: Does our self-satisfaction disallow sensitivity to someone else’s hunger? Does your stomach’s sufficiency block your heart’s capacity to empathize with someone who has less?

So we wash our fingertips, rinsing our emotional selves of any smugness that might come with self-satisfaction.

Because it’s wonderful to be satisfied. And it’s even more wonderful to remain sensitive to others’ needs.

So go ahead: Eat. Drink. And stay Merciful.