Not a very enticing to title, is it?
Saying ‘No’ negative. Austere. Unattractive.
So let’s think about how sometimes saying ‘No’ can actually be saying ‘Yes’.
A scenario: You’re at home and you see a piece of chocolate, and it looks delicious. Your doctor hasn’t warned you against it, your weight is in check, the ingredients are kosher and the luscious snack belongs to you.
What’s the downside of eating it? Is there any point in denying yourself this treat? It feels like masochistic self-flagellation to tell yourself no.
What would be the point?
There are several:
1. We often try to numb ourselves with food, drink and other pleasures. These stimulants help us avoid facing - and dealing with - the issues in our lives. Indulgence usually means distraction from life’s real work. So itt’s good to discipline oneself to indulge responsibly, with a healthy objective. That comes through training yourself to say no once in a while.
2. We operate best when we think clearly, choosing a healthy path forward and avoiding decisions based on impulsive desires. The more we indulge the senses, the more difficult it becomes to disengage from their grasp. You can’t usually do it on a dime. If you don’t want inanimate objects and substance-less fantasies to have control of your life, it’s good to exercise self-discipline. If only for the sake of showing yourself you’re in your life’s driver’s seat.
3. The Torah tells us that G-d created us each for a purpose. That purpose (which means leading a Torah-sanctioned life, which will include caring for ourselves and our families etc) needs to be at the center of our lives. When we have our focus straight, we lead Holy (= purpose-centered) lives, even as we’re at the office etc. Yet life’s lusts and pleasures have a way of becoming their own gods, becoming their own objectives, at the expense of the truly important. Self-discipline helps keep the objective straight. That’s why there’s a [Yiddish] Chassidic saying which translates into: “What is forbidden, is forbidden. What is permitted, we don’t need”.
So enjoy yourself. Just remember that sometimes saying ’no’ is actually saying ‘yes’ to your best self and to a life of meaning.