Does taking care of myself make me selfish? Hillel (our famous 1st century Sage) taught us the immortal lesson: “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?” I need to watch out for me.
At the same time, we need to consider the rest of Hillel’s statement: “…And if I am only for myself, then what am I?”
So, taking Hillel’s entire statement into consideration, he’s telling us that we need the correct framing as to why we are taking care of ourselves. If we are tending to our own needs so that we might be properly functioning human beings – which includes fulfilling our responsibilities to the world – that’s fine. But when we’re looking out for ourselves because we feel like we’re the center of the universe, then we have a self-centeredness issue.
If everything is about me, then, in the final analysis, “what am I?”
The problem doesn’t lie in me looking after myself; it lies in the fact that I’m not targeting an objective beyond myself.
As a way of addressing this problem, the Torah calls on us to ‘circumcise the foreskin of our hearts’. This obviously doesn’t refer to a physiological cardiac layer. Our Sages tell us that the Torah is referring to the self-indulgent ‘overlay’ that prevents us from truly connecting with others. The Torah is pointing out a psycho-spiritual ‘membrane’ of self-centeredness that turns self-reliance into self-absorption. We need to cut through this stifling approach to life in order to liberate our hearts and souls.
How?
From the outside in.
We start with our behavior. ‘Circumcising’ our conduct means cutting through our layers of self-indulgence. For example, even though we do not hurt anyone when we gorge ourselves on a scrumptious meal or engage in material excesses, we exercise our ‘self-absorption muscle’ and open the door to a chain of ‘me-centered’ conduct that then crowds out 'we-centered' behavior.
The 'circumcision' process peels away the unhealthy layers so that there’s less self-absorption in the way we act and in the way speak. We can then take the step of peeling back the overlays - the divisive blockages - from our hearts and from our minds.
The disappointments, hurts and setbacks that are a natural part of life can lead one to build up pretty strong emotional barriers that can lock them into a lonely world.
By healthily penetrating our obstructive layers, we can begin to truly take care of ourselves and find our interdependent place in a meaningful world.
It gives a whole new meaning to self-care.