I don't like feeling sad.
Melancholy has a sneaky way of draining our energy and paralyzing our lives. I much prefer a happy mindset.
But here's the problem: Life isn't a string of happy occasions. Things happen.
I make mistakes, causing discomfort to myself and others.
Others make mistakes, causing discomfort to themselves and to me.
I have stresses and disappointments that seem part and parcel of my relationships and
obligations. To ignore them is naïve. But, to face them can be depressing. So how do I approach my struggles constructively?
First, I need to keep my expectations reasonable, since frustrations are a function of a misalignment between expectations and outcomes. Every life on the planet has stress, so I can't honestly be surprised by my own stress.
Second, I need to carve out time to face, and work on correcting, my weaknesses. That's a necessity for an honest life.
Somewhat counter-intuitively, when I’m going through the uncomfortable process of no-holds-barred introspection, I’m glad. I'm happy that I have the maturity to face myself and that I'm self-aware enough to recognize my own flaws.
Then, I should consider not only my personal situation, but also the pain in the world around me. The sense of loss, the physical and emotional pain, the troubled relationships.
In looking at my personal world, and the world around me, I should turn to G-d to ask for Divine help in bringing peace and happiness to humanity.
When I was growing up, I was awed by the Rebbe's genuine pain when he would speak of the world's
misery. He sat in Brooklyn, crying real tears about people across the world, people he'd never met.
I didn't have the Rebbe's level of empathy, so I didn't feel the same sadness; but I remember watching him with marvel and envying the depth of his feeling for humanity. His pain for the suffering and sadness of others was a visible reflection of his ability for genuine connection with people.
This weekend, we enter the Jewish month of Av and begin Nine Days of Sadness, culminating in the fast of ‘Tisha B’av’ – the ninth day of Av.
It’s a slice of time we set aside for an honest look at our own self-destructive behaviors, for meaningful reflection on our painful history, and for absorbing the suffering of an aching world.
It isn't pretty at first blush. But it's necessary. And deep inside, there’s authenticity – a satisfying connection with reality – to be found.