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Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Thoughts from, and conversations with, Rabbi Herson

The Search

Friday, August 27, 2021 - 7:06 AM

The great Rabbi's meditation was interrupted by his grandson's mournful cry.
"What happened?' he asked the child.
"My friends and I started to play hide and seek, and I hid myself very well and waited for them to begin the search. But they just decided to play something else, and I sat there neglected because no one even tried to find me!"
As the Rabbi calmed his humiliated grandson, he murmured "Now we know how G-d feels".
G-d deliberately hides the Divine presence in our world, and we are born to search for it.
G-d is camouflaged in a world that conceals meaning and shouts shallowness. When we wake up in the morning, our knee-jerk instinct isn't "Wow! G-d constantly gives me life and has given me another day. I matter. I have a purpose in this world, and I need to use the gift of another day to live my destiny!"
That’s why Jewish practice, for thousands of years, has been to start our day by proactively guiding our minds to see the world for its purpose and higher beauty; to see the light in our surroundings. To seek and find G-d's presence in the world.
From the minute we wake up, we begin a psycho-spiritual workout, by thanking G-d for restoring our consciousness and gifting us with another day.

Once we’ve gotten ourselves spiritually warmed-up, we take some time for prayer, which is a process of rediscovering our relationship with G-d, and G-d’s presence in our daily lives. The liturgy guides us – through 'prayer therapy' - to feel an appreciation, a deep need, for Oneness (symmetry, purpose, wholeness) in our lives. As we reach the zenith of our search, we call out 'Shema Yisrael…' (Judaism's ancient proclamation of G-d as the Oneness of life). We’ve found G-d, and ourselves.
Chabad Chassidic thought calls the Shema a daily call of the Shofar, because, like the piercing blasts of the Shofar, the Shema evokes our deep-seated need for meaning.
As we approach Rosh Hashana, let’s try to say the Shema (and even hear the actual Shofar, if you can) every day.
Our search for the Divine will elevate our lives and lessen G-d’s tears.

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Can We Change The Past?

Friday, August 20, 2021 - 6:30 AM

 

Can we really undo mistakes? We can make amends and learn for the future; but – for example - can we ever un-speak hurtful words or undo harmful deeds?

We can recognize, regret and try to repair, which can be profoundly transformative, but we can’t literally undo the past.

Sometimes, we rue our behavior because we don’t like the fallout. We’ve hurt someone important in our life, and the relationship has become uncomfortable, so we say we're sorry because we want the pain to go away.

That's regret; but regret alone is not transformative remorse. It's relationship management’

If we are more uncomfortable with the other person’s reaction than with our original action, we’re modifying our behavior based on someone else's response, not our own principles. We haven’t experienced genuine character development.

So, let’s take a peek at genuine self-improvement, which may be prompted by someone else’s feedback but must be powered by our own conscience. Real transformation needs to spring from within.

G-d created each of us with the potential to be a true mensch, living with character and integrity. So let’s envision that potential as our gold standard. Once we have that as our north star, we can measure our behavior against that shining potential.

Because we want to do better.

Not because of someone else.

Because we want to make the most of our life and fulfill our own potential.

In the scope of our life, we can learn from our mistakes, our behavioral missteps. We can use them as springboards for change so that each mistake is transformed into a shining moment of growth and self-improvement.

We can’t erase our mistakes, but if we use our mistakes as springboards for positive change, then we are doing ‘the impossible’ -- reaching back in time and using a negative event as a positive force for growth.

That’s the way G-d sees it.

As for others’ perspectives, they are beyond our control. All we can do is express genuine regret, change our behavior and pray that we can move forward together toward a healthier future.

 

 

 

 

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Then Their Eyes Met

Friday, August 13, 2021 - 6:32 AM

Relationships are the essence of life, and meaningful connections – soul bonds – are the essence of important relationships. Relationships come in various shapes and sizes, but the genuinely substantive ones all share a core element: Safety. You feel a sense of security – the deep psychological and emotional peace in knowing that you can share your hidden warts and pimples – because the person accepts you with all your flaws.

You can relax, let down your guard and be vulnerable.

Even in a loving, safe relationship, it can be difficult to share one’s deepest turmoil. But, when the other person’s words, body language and eyes telegraph: “I’m here for you and I want to hear WHATEVER is in your heart,” you know it’s safe to open up.

 A relationship with G-d follows the same model.  It isn’t always easy to unburden oneself. Sometimes it's difficult to feel close and secure. Maybe we’re self-conscious about our moral standing, and not feeling confident that if we raise our eyes to meet G-d's, we’ll be met with an understanding and loving gaze.

That’s why this Jewish calendar month, the month of Elul, is so crucial.

Elul prepares us for the High Holidays, a period of emotional intensity and an opportunity to deepen our relationships with ourselves, each other and the Divine, by providing us with a period of preparation so that we can experience that intensity with a sense of safety.

Chassidic thought describes Elul with the depiction of a period when a loving king leaves his chamber’s glamour, entering the field so that he might meet his subjects on their own turf.

Why would he do that? Because he wants his subjects to feel safe in their relationship with him. He wants them to feel his desire for a connection with them, as they are – in dirty overalls, working the fields. He wants them to know that he’s ready for their eyes to meet his.  

Because when they do meet the King’s eyes, they’ll get the message they need: We – you and I - have a relationship. In order to strengthen that relationship, we – you and I - need to acknowledge its weaknesses; and that’s okay, because we’re in a safe relationship.

Elul is a G-d-given opportunity to pull your gaze from life’s distractions, so that you can meet G-d’s eyes. He’s definitely looking your way.

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Winds of Change

Thursday, August 5, 2021 - 2:05 PM

I've heard of inspiring, motivational speakers who “change people's lives.”
I wonder: Can anybody really change your life? From what I can tell, the door to character transformation opens from the inside, and only YOU can change your own life.
When someone changes, it's because they have made a conscious choice to break from their individual status quo.
So who needs a motivational speaker? We all do.
Because we're not always ready for strenuous character building.
We often struggle to find the door, let alone open it.
Yet, when someone paints a convincing picture of your need to grow, and shows you how it's possible to reach your potential, you may find yourself inspired to pursue the work of change.
External factors can help guide us in a productive direction. For me, a sunny, beautiful day creates more emotional availability than a rainy one. When you are welcomed warmly into a synagogue, when you feel like you belong, you may find yourself more open to a transformative spiritual experience.
This weekend, we open a season – a setting – of internal change. The Hebrew month of Elul begins on Saturday evening, and Elul is a month devoted to character improvement. It's a daunting task, but G-d, our loving 'motivational cheerleader', encourages and prompts us toward self-betterment.
We blow the shofar every day of this month; and when we hear the call of that ram's horn, we hear the inspiring echo of the Divine, urging us to align ourselves with our wonderful potential.
And if we pay attention, there's something in the air.
The breeze you feel is urging the rustling of your soul. The sun's blaze is beckoning your inner potential to shine forth.
In Elul, the stage for self-improvement will be set. G-d will be the wind at our backs, subtly helping us to move forward. But the rest is up to us.
In the movie of my life, I can have lots of support from the ensemble, but the main acting is up to me.

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