Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Mistake. Failure. The words make me shudder. Or at least they used to.

 Why? Because I strive for success and achievement.

 Failure is not an option.

 Except when it happens.

 And what then? How do I deal with my mistakes and failures? I’d like to divert my attention, because they’re painful to think about. On the other hand, I shouldn’t live in denial. Should I just bite my lip and move on, hoping that tomorrow will bring back-to-back successes?

 In Torah thought, mistakes and failures are an important part of life. We don’t look for them, but they have a way of finding us. They also, paradoxically, have a dividend for us; it’s called the gift of growth.

 When I err - in a relationship, in comprehension, in my finances, etc. – and I face my blunder, it hurts. I’m hit squarely between the eyes, and the pain can easily become an energy-sapping, paralyzing force.

 But that would be a shame, and it would miss the whole point of missteps and mistakes. It’s not about wallowing in self-pity. It’s about growth. I need to embrace my internal angst and disappointment, and convert that energy into a catalyst for positive action. With my mistake, I’ve learned a lesson for the future.

 Facing my blunder, and analyzing it without fear also bring me new insights about myself and my attitudes. It helps me break new ground in self-awareness. How did I get here, and how could this happen?

My slip-up gives me a better connection with the concept at hand. Until I’ve made a mistake in my handling/understanding of a given concept, the concept and I are ‘mere acquaintances’. When I goof, and consequently take a more mature and committed attitude to the subject matter, we’ve just become more intimate. When a rope is torn it takes a double knot to repair; now, my renewed relationship has a psychological ‘double-knot’.

 So there are three levels to my 'mistake-growth':

1. I learn a lesson for my future conduct, when I recognize HOW I went wrong..
2. I learn more about myself, when I analyze WHY I went wrong.
3. I become closer to the subject matter, since I’ve revisited and renewed my commitment.

 So (as long as I’m consciously guiding my life), my mistakes are just a different way of growing. Nothing to shudder about. That would be a mistake.

We all know how it can be flash-in-the-pan. Think of new year’s resolutions, diets, etc. We mean well, but it doesn’t always translate into transformative living.
Shallow behavior.
We all know it. Think of when we say or do something perfunctorily, without thinking/feeling the corresponding sentiment.  
Inspiration that doesn’t translate into real action is like a soul without a body. Action without genuine intent is like a body without a soul.
If I live a life sprinkled with intangible, not-yet-materialized inspiration, I’ve lived a life with sparks but no fire.
If I live a life of positive behavior with no inspiration, then my life is a diamond, but it reflects no brilliance.
Each – inspiration and positive behavior - is a good thing; each needs the other in order to reach fulfillment. So how do we bring these two together? How do we bring integrity to life?
We need consciousness. When I feel an inspiring thought, when the warmth of meaning hits me, I can’t just pat myself on the back for having good thoughts. I must immediately recognize the need to anchor my inspiration in concrete life.
When I’m exercising a behavior, I need to watch myself. Is this genuine? Do I feel what I’m doing?
So, a higher ‘Me’ needs to guide my instinctive ‘me’ to a life of integrity.
What is that higher ‘me’? What deeper consciousness can help me integrate my inspiration and my actions? What higher sense can help guide me toward more focused behavior?
In Jewish spirituality we call this higher sense: Wisdom (‘Chochmah’ in Hebrew). Wisdom is Vision. It’s a guiding awareness of who we need to be. It’s a deeply rooted compass that is honed by life’s experiences and struggles; after all, the pain of shallow living often calls our attention to the deep need for something meaningful.
Wisdom is called the soul’s ‘oil’; it is the ‘fuel’ for meaningful living. Just as an olive yields its oil through a painful squeeze, our souls produce the Wisdom of life through challenge and pain. Our Oil/Wisdom takes a spark of inspiration and fuels it as a steady flame. Our Oil/Wisdom permeates our actions, so that they are no longer separate from our soul-awareness.
Our Oil/Wisdom allows us to take our spark of inspiration, and our wick of action, and light up our lives, for real.