Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

The discussion group this Sunday was interesting and lively.

A few general points were batted around:

1. We should all have principles which we REALLY hold dear.

2. We should be able to maintain friendly feelings for those who don't share those principles.

3. The kicker is how we reconcile 1 and 2.

As an example, let's think about how someone who really is anti-smoking, believing that a smoker is killing himself and those around him.

When he sees a person smoking, it should bother him. The very sight should strike a negative chord inside. Then, he should be able to focus on the humanity within that smoker and feel the sense of communal connectedness that's healthiest for us all.

If the non-smoker is so accepting and tolerant that he doesn't even feel a pang of negativity (hopefully a feeling of sadness for the smoker's self-destructive path and eventual suffering), then he doesn't really have a deeply held 'anti-smoking' principle. He doesn't really stand for that idea.

The same applies to Jewish principles. I'm very friendly with people who don't live (yet?) by Jewish principles. I'm also an accepting guy. But if I don't even feel the negative pang when I see someone violating Torah (before I rise above it to connect with - and care for - the person inside), then I've got a problem of principles.

And I admit that after years of living here, I do have that problem. It doesn't even strike a chord sometimes. And I need to deal with that.

[I didn't mention this yesterday, but I just remembered a quote from Shlomo Carlebach which I saw when I was a kid. It went something like this:

Today we have Jews for Moonies, Jews for Jesus, Jews for everything. But that doesn't bother me as much as the many sweet yiddelach who are 'Jews for Nothing'].

We also discussed the idea of calling someone's attention to their own counter-productive behavior. We got into a conversation about whether a golfer would call attention to a friend's deficiancy in grip or swing. They apparently wouldn't.

I've got a problem with that.

We shouldn't walk around criticizing people. But if I'm really friendly with someone, and believe they feel safe enough with me to hear my constructive criticism, then the Torah considers me selfish for not sharing my persepctive. Why shouldn't I help them see what they apparently can't on their own?

My example is if someone has food hanging from their lip. Do you gently tell the guy? Won't it be a help to him?

If we don't say something, it's because we don't care enough about the person's dignity. And that's selfish, not 'sensitive to embarassing someone'.

Comments?

These weeks we read Torah descriptions of Abraham and Sarah, and their lives.
Abraham searched for the Divine his entire life. Then, at age 75, G-d reached out for him, telling him to go to Israel. Later, at age 99 (!) G-d tells him that he needs to be circumcised (while his descendants would begin implementing that ritual at eight days of age).
This week's Torah portion opens with Abraham, days after the circumcision procedure, standing at the door of his tent. Then "and G-d appeared to him....".
Rabbi Sholom Dovber Schneerson (1861 - 1920) was the fifth Lubavitcher Rebbe. When he was a young boy of four or five, he learned about the opening scene we just described.
The young child went to his grandfather (Rabbi Menachem Mendel, the third Rebbe) and complained. Why, he asked, does G-d appear to Abraham; after all, the Almighty hasn't appeared to him, young Sholom Dovber?
Rabbi Menachem Mendel answered: When a ninety-nine year old man decides to follow G-d's word and circumcise himself, with all the pain that entails, he is deserving of Divine revelation.
Rabbi Menachem Mendel taught his grandson, and us all, a very important lesson. What we do in life is critical. But the actions themselves don't necessarily lift us above our human path. We're just following the normal path at a higher speed or altitude.
However, when a person has self-sacrifice for a higher purpose, when someone elevates principle above comfort to do something for one's Creator, that catapults him to a different level.
Abraham did lots of good things. When he did good things despite the pain, he was ready for a new chapter in his spiritual development.
This applies to all of us.
We need to focus on our North Star, our higher values, and forge ahead in that direction, despite the obstacles.
We can do it. I know that to be true.
After all, it runs in the family.

Shabbat Shalom,

We had an interesting conversation at our Sunday morning discussion/brawl yesterday.
I brought up the idea that American Law focuses a lot on individuals' rights (which is why I can live so freely as an observant Jew in this wonderful country).
The Torah, however, has very little discussion of rights; it's mostly about responsibility.
Rights vs. Responsibilities.
There's a big difference.
Rights is about me and my wants, my space, my senstivities - what's-coming-TO-me. Responsibility is about my empathy, my response (as in response-ability), to the needs of 'other' - what's-needed-FROM-me.
For example: A child has the right to an education by American Law. By Torah Law it's framed as the responsibility of a parent to educate a child, and the responsibility of a child (as he/she grows older) to educate himself/herself.
It's about what's needed OF ME.
I'm glad that my government allows for plenty of space, and doesn't saddle me with responsiblities as they see fit.
But I need to fill that space, the liberty of a free life,  with a moral system of my choice.  That's what Founding Fathers expected of me.
I need to make 'other' - and the responsibility to 'other - an important part of my life. That's the (unlegislated!) American way.