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To be Honest....

Thursday, 29 January, 2009 - 11:00 am

I've heard it said that small children do most of the truth-telling in the world; and they're often immediately – and embarrassedly – silenced.

Children don't have the 'sophistication' to couch or swallow their feelings, so they blurt their genuine impressions.

What does that say about us 'sophisticated' adults?

Maturity teaches us honesty's downside. For example: Indiscreet honesty can make us [unhealthily] vulnerable. After all, should we be open ('honest') to all about our internal self-doubt, our fears and our inadequacies?

Straight-up frankness can be impolite, or even cruel. Think of questions like: "Does this make me look fat?", "How do you like my new car?" or [the dreaded] "Do you think I'll be okay?"

Yes, honesty can come at the price of kindness.

Lying is never a value, but telling the unvarnished truth without thoughtful deliberation may be counter-productive. We need to balance courage (to tell the truth) with consideration.

The Midrash (the classical collection of Rabbinic, homiletic teachings) teaches:

When G-d wanted to create humans, a debate ensued between spiritual forces:

'Kindness' said "Let them be created, for they will be generous".

'Truth' said: "Do not create them, for they will be full of lies".

'Peace' said "Do not create then for they will be full of conflict".

So G-d threw 'Truth' to the ground, and proceeded to create Adam and Eve.


The Chassidic Master, Rabbi Mendel of Kotzk, asked an obvious question: If both 'Peace' and 'Truth' protested, why was only 'Truth' thrown to the ground? Rabbi Mendel answered that once Truth is out of the picture, it's much easier to make Peace.

The Rabbi was calling attention to the [sad] reality that full-blown truth can cause conflict and hurt; we often feel as though we need to choose between Peace and Truth.

That Midrash continues, and points out that Scripture (Psalm 85:11) states "…and Truth will sprout from the Earth".

We can think of Truth as a kernel, a seed, which we must cultivate into the flower of our peaceful, productive interactions. We need to cultivate the Earth, creating a healthy atmosphere of truth-telling and truth-hearing, so we can reap the fruit of a genuine, connected society.

But when we look ahead to a Messianic era, a perfected world without ego, defense-mechanisms and self-delusion, we look to a world where we all value, and feel safe with, pure Truth.

Until then, speakers of the unvarnished truth need to hone their diplomacy skills; but let's remember:

They're ahead of their time.
 

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