I don't like feeling sad.
Melancholy has a sneaky way of draining energy and paralyzing life.
But here's the problem: Life isn't a string of happy occasions. I make mistakes, causing discomfort to myself and others. Others make mistakes, causing discomfort to themselves and to me.
We all have problems. To ignore them is naïve. To face them is depressing.
So what can we do?
First, let’s keep our expectations reasonable, since frustrations are a function of expectations. Everybody on the planet has stress, so we can't honestly be surprised by our own. Expect it.
Second, I need to carve out time to face my personal weaknesses and warts. That's the
only way to an honest life.
While I don't want to harp on my failings, I need to face them. And deep inside, as disquieting as this introspection may be, I'm glad that I'm going through the exercise. I'm happy that I have the maturity to face myself, and glad that I'm self-aware enough to be somber about my mistakes. a
Then there's a third element:
I recognize that my full plate of relationships and responsibilities come with a price tag: Some stress is inevitably attached. I pray to G-d for more manageable stress. At the same time, if that's the price of my life and its blessings, I'll deal with it.
Watching the Rebbe as I was growing up, I was always awed by the genuine pain he expressed when speaking of humanity's misery. I was watching a Rabbi crying real tears about people across the world whom he'd never met.
As a teen, it was striking. I didn't have that genuine empathy for a stranger's problems, but I envied the depth of the Rebbe's. I would've taken the pain of sadness for the power of real connectedness.
A day like Tisha B'av (a fast day, when we commemorate the destruction of the Holy Temples) is set aside for this type of painful introspection. Aside from mourning our painful history, we take an honest look at our own self-destructive behaviors.
It isn't pretty, but it's necessary.
And, deep inside the sadness, there's gladness to be found.
And that’s key to the exercise.
When Tisha B’av falls on Shabbos, the fasting is pushed off until Sunday. This gives us an opportunity for the gladness, the sense of deep connection with our loved ones and the world, but without the attendant sadness.
It's a special Shabbos of joyous introspection. Let's make it productive.