Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Mistake. Failure. When I was younger, those words made me shudder.

Why? Because I strive for success and achievement, so failure is not an option.

Except when it happens.

And what then? How do I deal with my mistakes and failures? I could try to divert my attention, because inadequacy is painful to embrace. On the other hand, I shouldn’t live in denial. Should I just bite my lip and move on, hoping that tomorrow will bring back-to-back successes?

In Torah thought, mistakes and failures are an important part of life. We don’t look for them, but they have a way of finding us. They also, paradoxically, have a dividend for us; it’s called the gift of growth.

When I err - in a relationship, in comprehension, in my finances, etc. – and I face my blunder, it hurts. I’m hit squarely between the eyes, and the pain can easily become an energy-sapping, paralyzing force.

But that would be a shame, and it would miss the whole point of missteps and mistakes. It’s not about wallowing in self-pity. It’s about growth. I need to embrace my internal angst and disappointment, and convert that energy into a catalyst for positive action. With my mistake, I’ve learned a lesson for the future.

Facing my blunder, and analyzing it without fear, also bring me new insights about myself and my attitudes. It helps me break new ground in self-awareness. How did I get here, and how could this happen?

My slip-up gives me a better connection with the concept at hand. Until I’ve made a mistake in my handling/understanding of a given concept, the concept and I are ‘mere acquaintances’. When I goof, and consequently take a more mature and committed attitude to the subject matter, we’ve just become more intimate. When a rope is torn it takes a double knot to repair it; similarly, my renewed relationship has a psychological ‘double-knot’.

So there are three levels to my 'growth by mistake':

I learn a lesson for my future conduct, when I recognize HOW I went wrong.

I learn more about myself, when I analyze WHY I went wrong.

I become closer to the subject matter, since I’ve revisited and renewed my commitment.

Making mistakes is inevitable.  Failing to grow from our mistakes – that would indeed be a mistake.

Inspiration.
We all know how it can be flash-in-the-pan. Think of new year’s resolutions, diets, etc. We mean well, but it doesn’t always translate into transformative living.

Perfunctory behavior.
We all recognize it when we say or do something on auto-pilot, without purposeful motivation.
Inspiration that doesn’t translate into real action is like a soul without a body. Action without genuine intent is like a body without a soul.

If I live a life sprinkled with intangible, not-yet-actualized, inspiration, I’ve lived a life with sparks but no fire. At the same time, if I live a life of positive behavior without inspiration, then my life may be like a diamond without brilliance.
Each of these – inspiration and positive behavior - is a necessary ingredient, and each needs the other for genuine fulfillment. So how do we bring them together? How do achieve integrity in furtherance of a life well-lived?

We need consciousness. When I feel an inspiring thought, when the warmth of meaning hits me, I can’t just pat myself on the back for having good thoughts. I must immediately recognize the need to anchor my inspiration in concrete life.

When I’m doing something, I need to have some measure of introspection and ask myself: Is this genuine? Do I feel what I’m doing?
My higher ‘me’ needs to guide my instinctive ‘me’ to a life of integrity.
What is that higher ‘me’? What deeper consciousness can help me integrate my inspiration and my actions? What higher sense can help guide me toward more focused behavior?
In Jewish spirituality we call this higher sense wisdom (‘chochmah’ in Hebrew). Wisdom is vision. It’s a guiding awareness of who we need to be. It’s a deeply rooted compass that is honed by life’s experiences and struggles.

Wisdom is called the soul’s ‘oil’; the ‘fuel’ of meaningful living. Just as an olive yields its oil through a painful squeeze, our souls produce much of our wisdom through challenge and pain.
When ignited by a spark of inspiration, our oil (wisdom) integrates our actions with our soul awareness and they burn together as a steady flame, lighting up our lives.
For real.