Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

The word ‘comfort’ conjures up images of ease and quiet enjoyment. No worries. Relaxation.

Picture lounging on a recliner in perfect weather with a Pina Colada.

That may describe an ideal vacation, but it’s not the experience of everyday life. Nor does it describe genuine soul-comfort or core-tranquility.

Deep and genuine comfort comes from finding inner peace and equilibrium. True comfort sets in when we satisfy our existential void and soothe our inner psyche.

Not a job for a Pina Colada.

Authentic inner comfort comes from leading a meaningful life, not just from playing with life’s toys.

A lot of our internal unease – the “quiet desperation” that is the stuff of poetic verse - comes from the fact that we live in a world that doesn’t seem to make sense; it looks shallow, random and meaningless. But, deep inside we know better. We yearn for symmetry, justice and meaning. Watching the world's madness violates our sensibilities, because we know something’s not right.

It bothers us. And it should.

G-d wants our soul-irritants to get our attention, to provoke a response, to propel us each to act to bring sanity to our chaos.

That is why we were created. To elevate ourselves.  To elevate our world. And, through that process, to find soul peace and comfort.

This past Sunday, the Jewish world observed Tisha B’av, a fast day dedicated to focus on the tragedy of our world’s fracture and distortion. This week, we a read Isaiah’s prophetic promise that G-d will ‘comfort’ us.

G-d’s not promising us Pina Coladas. G-d’s promising us an embrace; the experience of true beauty and meaning in what we do. G-d’s promising us that we’ll have the opportunity, and Divine assistance, to see the true richness of the human journey.

Focus your life, and open your heart.

When G-d promises, G-d delivers. 

I don't like feeling sad.
Melancholy has a sneaky way of draining our energy and paralyzing our lives. I much prefer a happy mindset.
But here's the problem: Life isn't a string of happy occasions. Things happen.
I make mistakes, causing discomfort to myself and others.
Others make mistakes, causing discomfort to themselves and to me.
I have stresses and disappointments that seem part and parcel of my relationships and
obligations. To ignore them is naïve. But, to face them can be depressing.  So how do I approach my struggles constructively?
First, I need to keep my expectations reasonable, since frustrations are a function of a misalignment between expectations and outcomes. Every life on the planet has stress, so I can't honestly be surprised by my own stress.
Second, I need to carve out time to face, and work on correcting, my weaknesses. That's a necessity for an honest life.
Somewhat counter-intuitively, when I’m going through the uncomfortable process of no-holds-barred introspection, I’m glad. I'm happy that I have the maturity to face myself and that I'm self-aware enough to recognize my own flaws.
Then, I should consider not only my personal situation, but also the pain in the world around me. The sense of loss, the physical and emotional pain, the troubled relationships.

In looking at my personal world, and the world around me, I should turn to G-d to ask for Divine help in bringing peace and happiness to humanity.
When I was growing up, I was awed by the Rebbe's genuine pain when he would speak of the world's
misery. He sat in Brooklyn, crying real tears about people across the world, people he'd never met.
I didn't have the Rebbe's level of empathy, so I didn't feel the same sadness; but I remember watching him with marvel and envying the depth of his feeling for humanity. His pain for the suffering and sadness of others was a visible reflection of his ability for genuine connection with people.

This weekend, we enter the Jewish month of Av and begin Nine Days of Sadness, culminating in the fast of ‘Tisha B’av’  – the ninth day of Av.

It’s a slice of time we set aside for an honest look at our own self-destructive behaviors, for meaningful reflection on our painful history, and for absorbing the suffering of an aching world.

It isn't pretty at first blush. But it's necessary. And deep inside, there’s authenticity – a satisfying connection with reality – to be found.