Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

The "Al Chet" confession of sins is said ten times in the course of the Yom Kippur services. It features a long roster of sins we may have committed over the course of the year.

Sin.

 The word sounds ominous. A moral breach, a stain on my soul.

 For many, the assumption is, “If I sin, I am a sinner.” That’s dark. At the same time, we say a daily prayer “My G-d, the soul which you have given to me is pure….”

So which is the real me? Pure soul or sinner?

 G-d created us as pure extensions of Himself. Just as a child is a reproduced extension of mom and dad’s DNA in a separate body, we are each a piece of G-d Himself in human trappings.

We’re essentially Divine.

 But G-d also gave us a weak human overlay. We’re created to struggle with the façade of self-centeredness and amoral impulses, to bring our essential Holiness into blossom so that it reigns in our psyches. Will my next choice be consistent with my Divine Essence, or will it be a concession to the façade?

 In other words: G-d gave us the ability to see ourselves in a funhouse mirror. It may actually feel fun; but it’s not the real you.

Why did G-d create us with this paradox? It’s a Divine set-up, for our own ultimate benefit.

 Good behavior is only virtuous when we have a choice to be bad; otherwise we’re just good automatons. G-d gave us this moral obstacle course, so that we can achieve goodness that shines.

And when we make a wrong moral choice, we’re choosing an immature distortion of our essential Holiness. We followed the path of our façade, and chose the funhouse reality.

 Maybe the sinful act was losing one’s temper, or cheating, or withholding empathy; any disconnect from the person who G-d created me to be creates a psycho-spiritual blemish.

That’s sin. And it happens way too often.

 The Talmud comments that G-d ‘feels remorse’ over creating the negative instinct (yetzer hara in Hebrew) within people. G-d has remorse for giving us this ‘necessary evil’ of free moral choice. G-d regrets seeing how much we get caught up in the funhouse.

 But it’s critical to recognize that the funhouse can’t touch our essence, and we should never mistake our missteps for an innate blemish.

When we sin, the sin is real; it’s just not the real me. The real me, the essential me, is one of G-d’s Holy children.

Al Cheit, yes, we have missed the mark many times this past year. But we’ll do better this coming year. Because we ARE better.

I've met many people who are spiritually turned off by the idea of 'fearing G-d'.

This High Holiday period is a time when I have a heightened sensitivity to this syndrome. Who knows? People may be sitting at our services and think we're praying to a G-d we 'fear'.

So, for the record: I’m not afraid of G-d.

I’m not afraid of my parents either.

To me, being ‘afraid’ means that I am significantly concerned about danger heading my way. It means that I think specific individuals may actually inflict harm on me, and I don’t feel safe with the object(s) of my fear. That doesn’t apply to G-d or my parents.

It’s not like I don’t understand what it means to fear authority figures. My home and school sometimes used the carrot and stick approach, so as a kid I had reason to fear consequences.

However:

A. That was a childish part of my youth. I stayed away from misbehavior to avoid discomfort, not because of any high-minded moral vision. It was a simple cost/benefit analysis. I hope to have outgrown that.

B. I never doubted my authority figures’ genuine concern for my welfare. I wasn’t afraid of THEM per se. I feared the painful fallout.

So, even in my childhood fears, I was never afraid of my G-d or my parents.

I’m still not, if we define fear as dread of impending personal harm.

I feel secure in G-d’s love for me as His child. At the same time, I experience many emotions which can be seen as part of the ‘fear’ spectrum.

I fear the possibility of my behavior damaging my relationship with G-d and with a meaningful life.

When I observe bad behavior’s ugly side-effects, I’m frightened by the damage that human beings are able to wreak upon each other.

When I consider the majesty of G-d’s creation, and the immensity of G-d’s blessings to me, I stand back in awe and reverence of our Creator.

When I consider life’s enormous responsibilities, how much G-d and my world expect from me, I’m overtaken by feelings of gravitas and solemnity.

When I consider the world’s array of misfortunes, I recognize that G-d protects me from so much. My blessings outstrip what I objectively deserve. So I feel serious consternation as to whether G-d will continue His flow of unearned, bountiful kindness.

So, while I have feelings on the fear spectrum, I don’t fear a G-d Who wants revenge, a G-d with Whom I can’t feel totally safe. That’s not my G-d.

So when you see the word ‘fear’ in your prayers this Rosh Hashana, don’t run.

There’s no reason to hide.

It’s Rosh Hashana. Come closer.

In grateful humility.