Yesterday, someone told me “a person must be crazy to have kids; they’re just pain and aggravation!”
I guess that makes me, a father of eight (thank G-d), certifiably insane. At the same time, can anyone deny that children bring pressures, stress, worry and aggravation to our lives?
Whether it’s a newborn waking up in middle of the night, a youngster’s baby-sitting needs intruding on your night out, or the expenses and emotional drain that can come with the teenage (and older) years, kids take a lot out of you.
Parenting requires sacrifice. And sacrifice always means that you’re paying a price.
In truth, parents or not, sacrifice is probably part of our daily lives, or at least it should be. If sacrifice means ‘the surrender of something you desire for the sake of something higher,’ that’s a necessary ingredient of every healthy relationship.
My discussions with our Bar and Bat Mitzvah kids show me that they can already appreciate this concept. Young as they are, they can usually see the need to occasionally set aside a personal desire for the sake of a friendship. They understand the value of loyalty, and can appreciate that sacrifice is usually its litmus test.
So when we speak of sacrifice for a friendship. I don’t usually sense any heaviness or sadness at the ‘loss.’ I sense pride at the richness of a genuine friendship, of commitment to something higher.
Whether we’re talking about family, friendships or communal pursuits, self-sacrifice shouldn’t just be a burden to bear. It should be a cause for joy, because it indicates that we have something higher in our lives, something which we value so much that it eclipses our personal comfort.
Parental stress should make me happy, not certifiable.
The Rebbe once wrote that this week, when the Torah portion guides us through Abraham’s struggles in spreading the light of G-dliness, is a distinctly happy week, because it’s a week spent with Abraham in his journey of self-sacrifice.
I would usually associate ‘self-sacrifice’ with the feeling of ‘inspiration’, but the Rebbe associates it with ‘happy’.
And maybe this is why. Because self-sacrifice means we have something higher in our lives, and that’s a joyous thing.
So take a moment to commit yourself to what’s important in your life, despite the discomforts.
Then take another moment to bask in your good fortune.