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Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Thoughts from, and conversations with, Rabbi Herson

In Search Of....The Better Me - Part 6

The world and I need to experience each other.
The more we analyze our internal dynamics, our psychological and spiritual 'tools', the more it becomes apparent that G-d equipped us to create meaningful connections with others.
But my communication with the world isn't only about ideas and sentiments; it's also about chemistry. An effective exchange isn't just about expressing thoughts; it's about a relationship.
When I want to convey an idea, I can't be satisfied with the fact that I have my intellectual and emotional ‘ducks in order’. I need to consider the vibes between myself and the recipient.
In simple terms: If a person is cognitively or emotionally 'unavailable', he can’t effectively convey or absorb a message – no matter how brilliant the thought. Shared focus and availability are an important gateway for any message. In building effective communication, they are the foundation.
Think about the importance of maintaining eye contact when you're speaking. If a person is speaking with you and looking elsewhere, or if your eyes are wandering and you’re yawning, communication suffers.
Authentic communication rests on a relationship, a bond.
This bond - we can call it mutual availability - is the foundation of genuine interaction.
In the language of our soul/psyche dynamics, we call this ‘Yesod’, the sixth dimension of our Omer Journey. Yesod literally means 'Foundation', but psycho-spiritually it translates as 'Bonding'. It is the element we’ve just discussed; it’s the sense of connection, the platform for effective communication.
So when I speak with my children (for example), I need to crystallize my message (verbally sharing the jumble in my brain is distracting, and they deserve better), lock in to the relationship and speak with them (as distinct from ‘at them’).
When I’m listening, I should have the humility to clear my head of all ‘the important stuff’ and listen with an open mind. That means I have to clear all the preconceptions of their motives and habits, and function like an empty vessel, just taking it in.
That’s communication.
And communication is the stuff of life.

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