Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Do you ever get angry?

Anger is a broad word used to describe a basic – often healthy - human response.

But I’m referring to the unhealthy brand. We all know it: The irrational, aggressive – ‘losing it’ – anger.

So, do you get angry?

Are you sometimes consumed by fury?

For a moment, go back to that mental state. How do you feel? Are you in control of your life?

Or have you lost control? Instead of guiding your emotional response, does the anger actually control you?

And, if you’ve lost control, to whom have you lost it? Who’s in the driver’s seat of your life?

It’s not you.

‘You’ are your ‘best you’, and this isn’t it.

In the words of Judaic spirituality, when you succumb to anger you unleash your inner hell. It’s your worst self. It’s toxic.

Oddly enough, it can also be seductive. This force, which destroys the quality of your life, can become an emotional drug; it poses as your friend, righteously presenting itself as ‘standing up for yourself’.

Think again. In the words of Job (5:2): Anger kills the fool.

We need to be self- aware. We need to sense when this enemy has entered our psyche. When we feel anger, we need to see a red flag in our mind’s eye; and then we need to immediately set to work figuring out how to control ourselves, how to prevent the downward spiral of resentment and anger.

But to create an adequate internal response system, we need to cultivate a sensitivity to the danger. We need a genuine recognition that anger is a poison to the human system, and an impediment to living a meaningful life.

If you see anger that way, you’re more likely get control of your psyche, reframing your perspective to channel your emotions in a more productive way.

For millennia, Jewish tradition has taught that anger also reflects a lack of faith.

The equation is pretty simple: We become angry when we feel vulnerable to a threat or problem. When I believe in G-d, I can’t feel vulnerable. When I feel my faith in G-d, my worldview focuses on my Divinely-granted journey, my destiny, not my perception of vulnerability.

Anger competes with my sense of destiny. I can’t allow it to win.

Between a potentially anger-causing stimulus and my response there is a gap; that’s where my choice comes in. Some problems may be solved, and some can only be managed, but I need to choose a response that’s suitable for my life’s journey.

So pay attention to your anger-quotient.

Reduce it, and increase your [quality of] life

Years ago, I was standing with a friend, a seasoned businessman, as his 38 year-old son walked by. Nodding toward his son, he muttered to me: “My son needs to understand that the stock market doesn’t always go up”.

It was an interesting insight for me.

You don’t understand life until you grasp the human journey’s comprehensive rhythm; until you appreciate that living is about ups and downs.

Ups and Downs. If anyone thinks they’ve experienced only one, they’re either mistaken or need to wait just a wee-bit longer; the other will come soon enough.

We all have both.

But ‘down’ is where we feel the pain. Stress isn’t pleasant, and problems are….problems.

But that is life; and, until Moshiach arrives, problems will continue to disrupt our lives.

Yet problems are part of life. And so much of life depends on how we deal with problems.

Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn, the 6^th Lubavitcher Rebbe, was brutally imprisoned  - for spreading Judaism and helping Jews - by Stalin’s regime.

Yet, years after reaching freedom, he would occasionally try to recapture the horrible experience, mentally transporting himself back to the gulag and its pain.

Why? Not because he enjoyed the pain and suffering. But because he valued the character, the strength of Principle, he encountered within himself. The Rebbe never looked for pain, but when it came his way he didn’t waste effort on blame and self-pity; he faced it with dignity, and it became a growth experience.

Gulag aside, thank G-d,  do we face our own problems with dignity? Do we learn lessons for growth, turning our stress into exercises for the soul?

It’s an important ingredient for a meaningful life.

And now is the time.

Because the world has a Divine rhythm, a flow of energy, of ups and downs.

The Jewish calendar reflects that rhythm. While time - from a Jewish perspective - generally exudes a spirit of positivity and joy, there’s also a stretch of time – three weeks to be exact – when the calendar turns more somber, guiding us to focus on the ‘downs’.

Today, Thursday, 17 Tammuz (July 9) is a fast day, commemorating the invasion of Jerusalem. In three weeks, we’ll fast again; it’ll be 9 Av – known as Tisha B’Av – when we’ll remember the destruction of the Temple.

It’s a time to look at our lives, our families, our communities and our world, and notice the destruction. It’s a time to soak in what’s NOT going right.

But it’s not about marinating in the negative; it’s about growing from the destruction..

When we acknowledge the bitterness, and strengthen our vision for the road ahead, we’ve engaged life and turned it into a meaningful journey.