Rabbi Mendy Herson's Blog

Don’t worry. Be happy.

A beautiful philosophy in charmingly simple words.

But is it realistic? What if I have stresses that I can’t ignore? Should I stick my head in the sand and just smile?

Happiness isn’t that simple. Happiness is a frame of mind, and it’s deceptively difficult to achieve - and maintain - that mindset.

Happiness doesn’t mean buoyant frivolity. That’s temporary and it isn’t deep. To me, happiness means a genuine inner peace and balance; it means that my world makes sense.

So I’m not talking about artificially-inspired joy (alcohol etc.), nor externally-stimulated joy i.e. a great party. Those might make me feel good, but I’m not experiencing a genuine, internal happiness; I may simply be numbing my unhappy self with external forces. 

So how do I achieve a happy frame of mind?

 When I feel that my life has purpose, and that the things I do are GENUINELY in the service of that purpose, I’m on the road to happiness.

 I may still be working hard, and dealing with difficult situations. But if I’m living for a worthy goal, I feel internally balanced and happy.

 But this purpose needs to be:

1. Something I truly value.
2. Something which is genuinely a deep-seated purpose of mine (not just a side-beneficiary of my life-efforts).
3. Something substantive and enduring.

 For all the above reasons, I don’t believe I can be happy building ‘sand castles’. I need a more genuine anchor.

 Raising a psychologically and spiritually healthy family is one good example. If I set my family as my goal, and build my world around their healthy growth, that can bring me inner peace.

 If I go to work to provide for them, and they’re not just the beneficiaries of my career, I can maintain inner peace in the face of challenge. I can endure significant stress because I’m doing it for a higher purpose. For them.

In Judaism, Holiness is the purpose which can bring balance to all of life. So if I believe that I and my actions truly matter to G-d; if I believe that my every action can change me or my world for good; that every action is cosmic and enduring in a true sense, then I can have a genuine inner peace.

 The stresses are there. But I believe that embracing these stresses and accepting them wholeheartedly is itself a part of my soul’s growth and maturation. Each moment can become an eternally shining nugget of meaning.

How can we not be happy?

Do you feel like the world revolves around you?

 Me too.

 It’s hard to admit, because it seems incredibly arrogant. 

 Yet, from childhood onward, it’s our natural instinct. And it doesn’t go away. We’re always trying to shape the world, to control it, to make it fit our vision. When it doesn’t, we’re frustrated because our world is out of sync.

 As we grow, we [hopefully!] work with our natural narcissism, and learn to manage the ego. But it’s still there.

 And that’s okay, as long as we recognize that our personal world is but a single world in an entire world full of worlds.

 Interpretation: I, indeed, feel like the center of my universe; but I need to realize that everyone else feels the same about their own personal universes. I live in a world full of personal worlds.

 So when I interact with someone, I need to recognize that he is the center of his own universe. His fears and sensitivities may be literally earth-shattering to him. I may not feel that way, but it’s not my world. It’s his. Or hers.

 So managing my ego begins with making room for everyone else’s.

 But there’s more.

 We are each created in the image of G-d, with a soul that is a ‘piece of the Divine’. Now, G-d is TRULY the center of the universe. And I have a piece of the Divine within me. So the world revolves around G-d. And my world revolves around the G-dliness within me.

 So this ‘I am the center of the universe’ feeling is just a surface reflection of a my soul’s deeper identity.

 How does ‘my world’ revolve around my Divine identity? I, and all of us, exist in this world to serve as a partner with G-d. When I illuminate my environment, engaging life with Purpose, I am a co-creator. I’m upgrading G-d’s creation.

 My ‘individual world’ (starting with my own personality) is my lifelong project: to perfect, to illuminate, and to refine. My commitment to my world serves as its center.

 When I see the world as mine to exploit, that’s arrogant. When I see my world as my jewel to polish and refine; when I see it as my responsibility; when I see the Holy potential in the world around me, then I function as an extension of G-d. And that’s simply Divine.